I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
