Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
how do you play pong handcuffed?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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