happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
