My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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