Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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