I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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