im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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