call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
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I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit