I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!