Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
