The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.