I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life