the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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