Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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