i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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