I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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