suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He has the fingertips of a God
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