in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
