so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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