the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Im part way to drunk.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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