TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
