My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
