Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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