no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
