i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
