Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
