Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Even my vagina gasped.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
