you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
