Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
