sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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