she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
