i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
