After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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