do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
