Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
