How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
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