no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
