it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
