Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
