I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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