Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(323): View more from California

At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

My brain says no but my pants say off.

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(360): View more from Washington

Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.

(1-360): View more from Washington

You win. Erica always eats cat food.

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(443): View more from Maryland

You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."

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(419): View more from Ohio

Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico

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(830): View more from Texas

Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester

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(774): View more from Massachusetts

I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.

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(847): View more from Illinois

Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!

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