I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
