Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
