i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
