No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
