it was like his penis was on wheels.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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