shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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