I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
