Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
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I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
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He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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