How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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