my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Damn victory sex feels great
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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