We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
