Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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