Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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