I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
