This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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