So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
