he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
