At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
