he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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