He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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