just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
