I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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