and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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