dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Four minutes until I can fart!
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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