Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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